TRANS VOICES: Moses

This post is a part of our series promoting our Trans Voices: A Storytelling Event for Trans and Nonbinary Young Adults Event.

Listen to Moses’ Story here.

The summer in between my sophomore and junior year of college, Steppenwolf Theater in Chicago was doing a play called Ms. Blakk for President, which was co-devised by Tarrell Alvin McCraney and Tina Landau. It was about the true story of Terence Alan Smith, better known as Ms. Joan Jett Blakk, who was a drag queen that in 1992, when the AIDS crisis was still at its height, joined forces with Queer Nation Chicago to run for president against George Bush. 

I had no idea who Joan Jett Blakk was and I didn’t really know what to expect. But I remember stepping off the elevator and the whole lobby was basically an exhibition and a love letter to the LGBTQ+ community and its history. There was this beautiful portrait of Marsha P. Johnson, there were all these posters and artwork and photographs from the gay rights movement in the 1980s and the 1990s. And when you went inside to the actual theater, the stage was a huge runway. And about 30 minutes before the show, they started doing a pre-show drag show. 

And before the show began, during the drag show part, I don’t know what it was, but I just started crying. And I think part of it was just how happy people were and how much fun everyone in that room, including the performers, were having. I excused myself, and I went into the bathroom, and I leaned against the sink and looked at myself in the mirror, and literally said out loud, “I am so happy that I am gay.”

I had been open before that moment about being gay and questioning my gender identity, but I don’t think I had ever said that I was happy to be gay.  And even though I knew that there was a lot of stuff that I had to figure out, I was finally really excited to start taking steps towards that journey of self-acceptance. That was probably the first time I ever was eager to start taking those steps, instead of really scared. 

And I didn’t stop crying when I sat back down and when the show started. And at one point someone got out of their seat to ask if I was okay because I was crying the whole run time of the show. But as silly as it sounds, it felt like it had opened something in my soul. And I was so happy to be there. And to see this show about a real life performance activist who was scared and who was worried about their community, but still found a way to try and make change using humor and passion and wit. 

We underestimate the power of story and narrative and remembering our history as a community. But it can really open up some really beautiful experiences for us, and to this day, I’m so grateful to especially Tina Landau, Tarell Alvin McCraney, and of course, Terrence Alan Smith, or Miss Joan Jett Blakk. They all really helped me through something.